The Squeeze

Yes, today a male coworker did walk into my office while I was rigging up my pants with two small plastic ponytail holders. What can I say? Things are getting snug. Fortunately he immediately recognized what I was doing and just laughed at me. We're doing a trial together late next month that should be hilarious. There is one problem, though. The number of suits I own and can actually wear drops almost by the second at this point.

Every single day I have fewer options. I am in the notorious stage between my regular clothes and maternity clothes. The advice I find online doesn't really apply either. People suggest buying a few pairs of cheap pants that are 1 or 2 sizes bigger than your normal size and using them to get through the next two months or so. Just a few things from Target or Old Navy that you can wear now and again after the baby comes (did you know your body does not just magically shrink back down to pre-conception size hours after birth? me neither!). This is not practical advice for me though, since a few pairs of pants won't do me much good. I need suits. And a few of them have to be decent. And fit correctly.

So this weekend I'm hitting up my first maternity store. I'm actually a bit nervous about it. The maternity clothes in Target are frankly horrible (although I saw some cute things online, the stuff in the store was nas-ty). And that's been the extent of my venture into maternity clothes so far. Is there any chance I'll find the wonderful mystical outfit that looks OK now and still fits fine 30 baby pounds later? I guess we'll find out.

On the Road

Wanna make a pregnant lady really unhappy? Send her out of town for work for 6 days. Ugh. I am so happy to be back in my own bed right now.

To be fair, the first 3 or 4 days went completely fine. But the last few days I was just exhausted. I'd make it back to my hotel room around 6 pm and pass out. The two hour drive home on Friday afternoon was completely brutal too. Even with a stop along the way for fries and a Frosty!

Wanna cause a man lots of anxiety? Send his pregnant wife out of town for work for 6 days. Poor B was so unhappy leading up to this trip. He packed me enough snacks to last a month. In the middle of the Outback. He has truly found a purpose in this pregnancy in feeding me. Which is good, because I require a constant stream of snacks.

When I walked in the door after this trip, I'm not sure we have ever been happier to see each other. Unfortunately B had to run right out the door to meet with his trainer at the gym. Which means I'm forced to lay in bed watching Bethenny Getting Married. Ah it's good to be home.

I'm A Bad Person

I just emailed someone and got her out of office reply stating that she was out for 12 weeks from May to the end of July. My first reaction was, "Ugh! She's still on her damn maternity leave!"

Then I felt like a terrible pregnant person.

It Can Move

I overlooked a few things when I decided to blog my pregnancy. 1) Pregnant ladies are really tired at the end of a busy workday and 2) I have really busy workdays. I blogged my wedding planning and really enjoyed it, but looking back now I see how different my situation currently is. I basically had a "desk job" then. It was easy to use my lunch hour or steal a few minutes during the day to put together a post. Now, I'm running around all day - from my office to the court, the jail, client meetings, you name it. The time at my desk is now much more precious.

And, I'm pregnant now! Which means my time not working is basically spent eating or sleeping. That's only a slight exaggeration. Anyway - enough with the excuses. Updates since my last post:

There's a baby in there! We had our first sonogram (or ultra-sound? I honestly am not sure what the difference is.). We saw a little blob with a tiny flickering heartbeat. And the size measured just right for my wild guess at when I had my last period. I can't say that I felt overwhelming amazement or wonder at seeing the baby. It may have had something to do with the fact that a complete stranger had just shoved an electronic dildo all the way up my hoo-ha in front of my husband. B seemed pretty shocked, though. Especially when the little blob flipped around on the screen and the doctor said "Oh look, it moved."
B leaned forward and snapped "What moved?"
"Uh . . . the baby."
"It can move!?"
"Well, yeah."

So yes there is a baby in there and it can move. That's pretty cool.

I also told people at work, which went pretty well. And I currently eat about 3 times what I used to, while sleeping at least 30% more. My clothes are getting tight in the waist and my stomach is a bit weak in the mornings. Pretty standard stuff for a pregnant lady, from what I understand.

Lately I have the feeling that I'm in a pregnancy purgatory. Most people don't know that I'm pregnant. I don't look pregnant to the average observer. My symptoms are very real but completely manageable. It's too soon for buying maternity clothes or nursery junk, and I have no idea what I would want in those areas anyway. I've basically had to get some of the biggest news of my life and then go back to the ordinary the very next day. Since I haven't even had an ultrasound yet it can often feel completely unreal.

There are times when it really hits me that this is happening, though. Sometimes it is brought on by a baby next to me in the checkout lane, other times I'm looking at someone's suit in court and thinking I should get another skirt suit but then realize I won't be buying any "regular" clothes for quite a while. The other day it happened when I moved a box of tampons to get to the Q-tips under the bathroom sink. Then I realized. Wow. I won't be needing those anytime soon.

I was sharing the tampon story with B (hubby/daddy) in the grocery store last night. Why? Oh I dunno, I tend to enter a stream-of-consciousness ramble when I'm around him and otherwise bored. He glanced at me, a bit surprised, and then just shook his head. To be honest, I was a little annoyed. I mean, come on, this whole pregnancy thing is just starting to become a reality and it's the day to day things you really notice, you know? Then I realized - there was a 60-something guy standing really close to us in the aisle trying to reach around me for some noodles. Oh. Hi. The poor guy turned on his heel and walked away, noodle-less. I tend to have that affect on people.

Secrets

I am terrible with secrets. Really awful. So this whole "not telling people I'm pregnant" thing is not going well. Especially not with the weird shit that keeps happening to me.

I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday. That week at work was torture. I was still in shock, walking around in a daze, and really starting to feel the fatigue of the first trimester. I got a few questions and comments about how I seemed to be "out of it" or really tired. I brushed them all off - allergies, trouble sleeping last night, I'm always like this you just never noticed, whatever. By Friday afternoon I was tiiiiiiired - both literally sleepy and tired of keeping my secret.

I spend a good part of many of my days in the courthouse and/or the jail. So Friday afternoon I decide I need to 1) avoid the part of the week where people sit around the office chatting and joking around and 2) get a jail visit out of the way so there is no chance I have to do it Saturday. I drag my butt out the front door. To get to the jail, I walk right past the courthouse entrance. As I'm approaching it another lawyer from my office is walking towards me. Someone I really like. One of the coolest, most fun people in my office and someone I always have time to BS with. So I stop and we start. Just then, the courthouse door opens and a small child walks out with his dad. I'm not good with age but I'll guess 3. Borderline between baby and child. This baby/child takes one look at me and lights up like a Christmas tree. He takes off from his dad at a flat run and throws both arms around my legs in a huge hug, looking up at me with some gorgeous long eyelashes and a very serious expression. Oh boy.

So I'm completely flustered, dad is a bit in shock but also amused, and my colleague is dy-ing. She cannot stop laughing. And then she starts: "It's a sign!" Ugh. I honestly don't even remember what I said to her but I know I was blushing, avoiding eye contact, and prying a child off my legs so I could run away. I could barely look her in the eye the next week. It's like she knows. Or I'm just paranoid. And really bad with secrets.

On Food

I love my dog. Let me just begin that way. She's sitting next to me on the bed right now looking over with her big sweet brown eyes, her fuzzy hair sticking up in all directions, and her hilarious underbite sticking right out. But a few hours ago, she nearly had me in tears.

The title of this post is food and that is exactly what our confrontation had to do with. At approximately 7 weeks I have not had any nausea (knock on wood!) but for the past few days my stomach is a little funny. I get very hungry and then when I start eating I lose my appetite. I'm also having bouts of mild to moderate heartburn. Not the end of the world by far. But a bit annoying. So today I left the office at exactly 5 pm and headed home with a bit of an empty stomach. I thought the whole way about what I could eat. My husband starts a trial tomorrow so it was just going to be me at home for the next few hours. I came up with a plan.

I wish I could blame the weird recipe on pregnancy, but to be honest I've always eaten like this. Here's what I did: two pieces of fried tofu on toasted bread with a vinegar cabbage and carrot slaw, mayo, and hot sauce. I don't know what you would call it, but I wanted to eat it. I sat down at the dining room table with my sandwich and my most recent Bill Bryson book. At that exact moment the doorbell rang.

Let's not distract ourselves with who rang my doorbell or what he wanted. Suffice it to say I was gone for about 5 minutes. Maybe less. But about 5. That was all the time she needed. I came back to a 9 pound dog standing squarely in the center of my dining room table scarfing down the last shred of my sandwich. Bits of cabbage were strewn from my now-empty plate to her furry little criminal paws. I have rarely felt heartbreak like this. I was crushed.

I put the dog in her crate (still licking her lips), cleaned up the remnants of my dinner-that-wasn't, and heated up some leftovers. I was still pouting when my husband came home a few hours later. And Cocoa was still in her crate. Lesson learned: don't get in between a pregnant lady and her dinner.

Of course, it's possible the sandwich-napping was payback for humiliating things I've done to her, such as:

What? Dogs can wear raincoats.